A young man asked me a question a couple of years ago and it's stuck in my mind.

It was during an extended discussion following my Aboriginal Cultural Awareness for Workplaces for a group in Newcastle.

This young non-Indigenous man mentored people in various workplaces and told me how he had a young Aboriginal woman tell him that her employer was racist. He felt he needed to explain that they weren’t racist, and wanted to know how to best respond.

Here's a question for you:

Who do you think understands racism better? Who do you think can spot racism where it truly exists?

This non-Indigenous man, or the Aboriginal woman he was mentoring?

It's easy to think that Aboriginal people are biased and see racism where none exists. But even if that were true (and it's not) then you would need to accept that non-Indigenous people are also biased and so are likely to deny racism where it truly exists.

We have language for this denial of racism: racial gaslighting.

Racial gaslighting is when someone dismisses or undermines another person's experiences of racism.

Perspectives on racism are deeply shaped by lived experiences. Aboriginal people, like the young woman in this story, are more likely to understand and recognise racism because they have lived through it. They may notice subtleties and patterns that non-Indigenous people might not perceive.

Self-awareness is critical when discussing sensitive topics like racism. Both Aboriginal and non-Indigenous people hold biases (to be human is to have bias) but those biases influence what each group sees or denies. Being open to listening and learning from those with direct experience—rather than dismissing or explaining away their perceptions—can lead to greater understanding and progress.

Here’s some tips 

1. Listen without defensiveness: I encouraged him to listen deeply to what the young Aboriginal woman was saying, without rushing to explain or refute her experience. Validate her perspective by acknowledging that, as a non-Indigenous person, he may not fully understand what she’s experiencing.

2. Recognise lived experience as expertise: I reminded him that people who face racism regularly are more likely to recognise it in subtle and overt forms. He should trust that the young woman’s perspective is shaped by her lived experience and expertise in navigating a world that’s often hostile to her identity and her community.

3. Question his own biases: I suggested he reflect on his position and ask himself why he feels the need to explain away her experience. He should be mindful of his own biases and the possibility that he, as a non-Indigenous person, may not see or experience racism in the same way.

4. Ask open, respectful questions: Instead of jumping to conclusions, he needed to ask her open-ended questions to understand her experience better. For example, “Can you help me understand what happened that made you feel this way?” This shows a willingness to learn rather than dismiss.

5. Learn more about systemic racism: I encouraged him to deepen his knowledge of how systemic and subtle racism (when you can spot it, it doesn’t feel subtle) manifests in workplaces. This understanding will help him better recognise and support those facing it.

6. Be an ally, not a gatekeeper: Reinforce that his role as a mentor should be to advocate for the people he mentors, not to judge or dismiss their experiences. Being an ally means standing with them, not against them.

By following these steps, he could avoid racial gaslighting and contribute to a safer, more respectful, and productive environment for Aboriginal people in the workplace.

As you read this, I encourage you to ask yourself: how do I respond when someone shares their experience of racism? Do I listen deeply, or do I rush to explain it away? Reflect on whether you might have dismissed or undermined someone's perspective, even unintentionally.

It takes courage and humility to confront our own biases, but doing so can lead to a safer, more respectful, and productive environment. By being open to learning from others' lived experiences, you can become a better ally and contribute to creating workplaces where everyone feels safe and heard.

If this story has made you reflect on how you respond to conversations about racism, ask yourself: Am I really listening? Start by challenging your own biases and learning from the lived experiences of others. To create a truly inclusive and respectful workplace, it’s important to continually grow as an ally.

Ready to learn more about creating safer workplaces for Aboriginal people? Contact me today to discuss how my programs can help you and your organisation build a more inclusive and respectful environment. Let’s work together to ensure no voice is dismissed.